When my landlord opens my door for my family, because they haven’t heard from me in days, they’ll find me shivering with fear while scratching at my eyeballs with one hand and using my other hand to point at this picture of Madge doing the tango with Valentino on New Year’s Eve – Lainey Gossip

STUNTS: RiRi and Fist Brown are still pulling ‘em – The Superficial 

But what does Aunt Bunny have to say about this?! – Towleroad

Guess who’s in a bikini again? You screamed out “JOANNA KRUPA!” before your eyeballs finished reading that last sentence, right? – Hollywood Tuna 

I’m not sure what this says about me, but I’d totally let ginger Rosie O’Donnell stick the tip in – The Berry 

JWoww’s ass cheeks look like they’re trying to escape from her body – Drunken Stepfather

I think I’ve spent less energy on desperately looking for peen on Craigslist than Anne Hathaway has on trying to get that Oscar and that’s saying everything – Celebitchy

Who cares about Jenna Deawn and Channing Tatum, is that fat Marky Mark lounging behind them? – Popoholic

Slow clap to Kris Allen for tweeting the making of his first born and his almost death, while pimping out Ford at the same time – Just Jared

Nothing says “Happy New Year” like using the REDRUM Instagram filter on a picture of your tits, obviously – IDLYITW

Oh, don’t mind Jennifer Lawrence, she’s just eating a daisy on Vanity FairICYDK

Captain, stop the ship! I spot a Laxativos Store over there!” – LeAnn RimesPopsugar

Psy is retiring Gangnam Style….until he has to extend his 15 minutes in America by bringing it out again. So basically, until next week – SOW

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hitting play on videos that have the words “Brown” and “Twerk” in the title – Videogum

The only thing I’ve learned from Royce Reed’s Twitter rant is that she can tweet and stand in line at the unemployment office at the same time – Crunk + Disorderly

Nicole Minetti does the Jessica AlbaHollywood Rag 

Goldie Hawn serves up some more “Peg from Lady and the Tramp” drunkness – Cityrag

The first and last time I’ll ever type these words: Ke$ha’s pussy looks so fresh – I’m Not Obsessed

Dlisted – Be Very Afraid

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