We were so worried Reese Witherspoon had jumped down some rabbit hole and turned into America’s bada** after being arrested for disorderly conduct and then sporting a totes fake Atlanta Police Department hat, but fear not!
Seen above making a subtle “Why am I posing in a sexy photo shoot with this bitch? Why do I keep taking this bitch back? Why me?” face, ShawnHolleytookLindsayLohan back as a client yesterday after the freckled tornado begged her to. LiLo is now enemy #1 of The Little People Legal League, because she apparently told Lawyer Man Willow to get out of her life and go back to the forest from which he came from. LiLo fired Mark Heller and got Shawn Holley to take her back.
Radar says after LiLo quit rehab after being there for 2 minutes, prosecutors were planning to ask for an arrest warrant if she didn’t check back in before midnight. LiLo went on the run and I figured she was just headed to Mexico to live out her destiny by becoming the day-shift mistress to a drug lord. But no, LiLo spent her day calling Shawn Holley to beg her old lawyer to take her back. Shawn Holley took LiLo back and immediately started negotiating with prosecutors. TMZ says that it was Mark Heller’s idea for LiLo to go to Morningside Recovery and she didn’t want to do it. When LiLo heard that Morningside Recovery didn’t have a license to treat, she refused to stay there.
At the last minute, Shawn Holley got the prosecutors to let LiLo check into the BettyFord Center instead. LiLo checked in right before midnight and the prosecutors dropped their plans to ask for an arrest warrant. LiLo has been in Betty Ford before, but she left after she got drunk and got into a fight with a staff member who later sued her ass. And now she’s back!
The judge still has to sign off on Betty Ford, but since he’d sign off on LiLo rehabbing in a bar, I’m sure he’ll sign off on Betty Ford. So….let’s recap this entire mess:
LiLo was supposed to check into the Seafield Center in the Hamptons, she checks into Morningside Recovery in Newport Beach instead….. and nothing happens to her ass.
LiLo was supposed to be in rehab yesterday, she bails on that bitch…. and nothing happens to her ass.
LiLo begs Shawn Holley to be her lawyer again in exchange for at least 3 mentions in TMZ daily and a year supply of blowjobs for Shawn’s entire family….. and Shawn takes her back.
LiLo beat a bitch’s ass ain Betty Ford…. and Betty Ford takes her back.
We already know that LiLo is a demon wrapped in pork leather, but when are we going to find out that she has the power to wish her enemies into Hell (aka White Oprah’s bedroom) when they don’t do what she wants, because it’s obvious that everyone is scared of her ass.