Because I really wanted to build a utopian city shaped like a giant uncut dick, I downloaded the new SimCity the day it came out and immediately got a severe case of internal blue balls, because the server kept crashing and wouldn’t let me build my dick-shaped utopian city! I scream, I cried, I questioned the existence of God and I punched my modem until I finally gave up and went outside to do something else. Yes, those SimCity whores drove me to go outside and breathe actual fresh air. They made me do the impossible. I’ll never forgive them for that.
Unless Netflix builds an island of servers (I hope it’s dick-shaped), I have a feeling that hos are going to meltdown the same way I melted down on SimCity day when the entire fourth season of ArrestedDevelopmentcomes out on Memorial Day weekend. If Netflix’s servers crash and the Internet breaks, people will actually be outside on May 26th. It’ll be so weird.
Yep, that’s right! Our final four ladies are all staying for yet another week!
After Wednesday’s American Idol performance show, placing Angie Miller and Amber Holcomb on top, we weren’t exactly sure who’d be going home this week. But as host Ryan Seacrest announced at the start of last night’s elimination round, there would be “some shocking news that [would] affect the judges and turn the competition upside down.”
He later revealed:
“The person that could be leaving tonight is…no one.”
PHEW! Ryan explained that because of an extra week built into the show’s schedule and the fact that the judges hadn’t used their “save”, the girls would get to compete for another round. Though, last night’s 38 million votes will not be wasted. Instead, they’ll be added to next week’s numbers.
Despite the save, Candice Glover and Amber found themselves in the bottom two much to Kree Harrison’s surprise. Apparently, executive producer Nigel Lythgoe — obviously in the know about the night’s big twist — thought he would mess with Kree, too!
Angie revealed:
“Nigel came up to me and Kree and was like, ‘So, the band knows your ‘save song,’ right?”
YIKES! Kree was so freaked out that she started practicing her farewell song, “singing it out loud” during the commercial break. Poor thing!
What’s more, Candice even got a surprise visit from the one and only Drake! The contestant gushed:
“I could not believe that happened… Like, I think I was too strung out to even cry. I didn’t know what was going on! I was like, ‘what do I do? …He just thanked me for doing his song, and he said I’m doing a really good job and to stay true to who I am. And he said that he really loves me! And that he’s going to watch for me, and that he hopes that I can sing with him on tour one day.”
Rihanna may be known as the Queen of No F-ckery, but in all honesty, this is one situation through which we WISH she had just had more f-cks to give!
It hasn’t been the best of weeks for the pop sensation, whose tour bus was recently busted with weed at the Canadian border a few days back, and now, she’s incurred massive amounts of criticism for apparently leaving 2,500 highschoolstudents waiting over FOURHOURS for what ended up being only a 16 minute appearance this past Thursday!
And they were her CONTEST WINNERS, no less!
Apparently, Barrington High School in Chicago won a contest sponsored by the singer, which prompted students to produce videos highlighting their charitable work to the tune of her single Diamonds!
The prize, of course, was a special appearance by RiRi herself, but much to the dismay of the countless excited fans crammed into their school’s gymnasium waiting for the singer’s expected arrival of 1pm, she kept them waiting for over FOUR HOURS…and finally rolled in well after 5pm!
Her excuse?
This post on Twitter an hour an a half into the students’ wait-time:
Furthermore, once gurl DID arrive, all she said about the entire ordeal was:
“Thank you guys for coming and waiting.”
And 16 minutes later, she was off to prepare for her show at the United Center!
YEESH! SO unprofessional!
And not only that, these are KIDS who look up to her!
If you don’t want to be a role model, that’s fine, gurl, but then don’t make the effort to reach out to our country’s youth and promote charity if you can’t even follow through with your end of the deal!
Obviously, it’s NO secret that Kim Kardashian‘s kurves have been outta’ kontrol since she and Kanye West konceived a baby inside of her, but this seems pretty extreme for her only being in her SECOND trimester!
Although the reality starlet has been gymmin’ non-stop to keep her fetus happy and healthy, she’s definitely been struggling to keep her ever-growing tittays contained, as we noticed them completely busting out of her usual sports bra yesterday as she worked on her fitness!
But according to new reports, it’s by no fault of her own!
She’s gained so much weight so quickly that her cup size has gone from a 36D to a 36G, and simply NOTHING fits her anymore!
They explain:
‘Kim loves her curves, but she’s upset that nothing in her wardrobe fits her any more. It feels like a losing battle to Kim, though, she is going to gain additional weight no matter what.’
We can certainly understand that sentiment!
Seems foolish to go out and buy all new gym clothes when the weight is only temporary, but seriously, gurl!
The baby will be here in July!
We can’t imagine it must be too comfortable to work out in clothes that barely fit!
It might be time to bite the bullet and get some maternity wear!
We guarantee you’ll feel so much better! Just saying!
Barack Obama began the secondterm of his Presidency by being sworn in by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Robertsthis morning in the White House Blue Room, alongside his wife Michelle and children Malia and Sasha!
And earlier this morning, VicePresidentJoe Biden did the very same, at his official residence of the Naval Observatory, presided by Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor!
Now, before anyone gets confused about why this all went down today when there’s a public ceremony that up to 800,000 people are expected to attend tomorrow, it’s a Constitutional REQUIREMENT that the President and Vice President take the office on January 20th!
However, this sort of thing happens so rarely that the last President who got double the fun was Ronald Reagan in 1985!
But hey! After the intensity of this year’s election – and the tragedies since to which he’s responded with such swift action – we think our beloved POTUS DESERVES to have this celebration extended as long as possible!
We’re SO looking forward to joining in on the festivities ourselves tomorrow!
But for today, we’re so happy to see that Obama got to celebrate this MASSIVE, inspirational and truly-deserved accomplishment surrounded by his family and loved ones!
Enjoy this moment, Mr. President!
We couldn’t be more proud to be an American today!
It may have started off as a joke, but Three Loco have ended up making some seriously good music!!!!
Simon Rex (aka Dirt Nasty), Andy Milonakis and Riff Raff have created a new hip hop trio that reminds us of some old schoolBeastie Boys. Silly and FUN!
They should open for Kesha on tour!!!
Check out the super wicked Not Coming Home Tonight (above)!
