And today’s Dumb Bitch of the Day award goes to Miguel for kicking a girl in the head and nearly decapitating another girl at the BillboardMusicAwards in Las Vegas tonight. It’s a good thing those girls didn’t die (I think), because there’s nothing worse than dying at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas by the legs of a cockatoo named Miguel. It’s not even the Grammys! And he’s not even Prince! Sure, I’d like a face full of Miguel crotch but not if it means I’m going to get my head cut off.
These girls are totally calling Gloria Allred right now and they’re going to sue the Cockatoo hair right off of Miguel’s head. And if you need to see the video of this attempted murder, here you go:
You dumb, stupid shit, Miguel! Hugging that blond woman is not going to be those girls’ heads back on their bodies.
Kanye West once again out Kanye’d himself last night by debuting his new song “New Slaves” and visuals for his new song in sixty six spots in several cities across the world. At different times during the night, Kanye’s big ass face was projected on a building as he rapped (and sang, ugh) his new song. The video above is from the corner of N.7th and Bedford in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and his face also made appearances in Hollywood, Toronto, Sydney, London, Berlin, Miami, Chicago, Paris, San Francisco and on Kim Kardashian’s body. Kanye’s website has a map with all the places where this mess played.
I can just imagine sitting on my sofa, eating some caramel cookie ice cream and taking sips of my ghetto sangria (Two-And-Half-Buck Chuck and orange Shasta) while watching Flea Market Flip when Kanye’s face and shower singing voice starts haunting my walls. That is a real good reason to call a damn exorcist. How can a trick have a relaxing Friday night when Kanye’s singing voice is filling their apartment? When Kanye sings, he sounds like he’s getting a prostate exam from a porcupine while Pimp Mama Kris gnaws on his nuts.
On a positive note, Kanye really knows how to dramatically debut a song like a true debutante queen.
We were so worried Reese Witherspoon had jumped down some rabbit hole and turned into America’s bada** after being arrested for disorderly conduct and then sporting a totes fake Atlanta Police Department hat, but fear not!
America’s sweetheart is ours again!
Reese is back to blonde after a brief and unfortunate stint as a rebellious brunette.
Beyond that, she was caught in full-on mommy mode, much more the way we’re used to seeing her.
The actress was spotted looking cozy with hubby Jim Toth as they cheered on her son, Deacon, during a football game.
Phew…blonde, at her son’s football game, sober, not yelling that she’s an American citizen.
LiLo’s recent Morningside Recoverydrive-by could prove to be very costly, and we aren’t just talking about all the money she wasted on gas to Newport Beach!!
Prosecutors are giving the actress until the butt-crack of dawn to get her behind checked into rehab or else they’ll seek to issue another warrant for her arrest!!
The Mean Girls starlet rolled up to the unlicensed treatment center earlier today, but wound up checking into a Fry’s Electronics instead!!
The courts, meanwhile, are absolutely fed up with Lindsay’s shenanigans and they’ve drawn a line in the sand!!
She has until sunrise mañana — approximately 6:00 a.m. in Newport Beach — to throw herself into treatment, but right now she’s nowhere to be found!!
Will Lindz magically appear at the last second or did The Canyons actress go AWOL for realsies?
The world finds out, one way or another, tomorrow morning!!
In fact, the only explanation Lonely Boy himself can come up with is that he was SCHIZOPHRENIC!
The actor, who is busy promoting his new flick Greetings From Tim Buckley, gave an interview recently where he basically admitted he had no prior warning from producer Stephanie Savage before production began on the finale that he was going to end up being the nefarious, omnipresent blogger behind it all, and seems baffled at the too-many-to-count plot holes throughout the show’s run that made it all the more nonsensical!
We have to hand it to him! He manages to both share the disdain the audience had for the twist while managing to be still be completely complimentary of the production team!
WARNING: This video contains extremely explicit language and is NSFW! Seriously, we warned you!
In cased you missed it, an INSANE email written by an angrysorority girl at the University of Maryland has recently been making a splash on the internet as she goes on a potty-mouthed rant and lashes out at her sisters for their awkward behavior during Greek Week!
The letter is overflowed with vulgar language as she hurls insult after insult at the girls, but to be honest with you, reading it off a computer screen doesn’t quite do it justice. So the geniuses over at FunnyOrDie.com recruited the help of the brilliant MichaelShannon to read the hilarious email aloud, and the results are AH-mazing!
Ch-ch-check out the actor as he loses his sh*t (above)!
Michael is set to play the villain, General Zod in the upcoming Superman flick, Man of Steel, and this is a PERFECT sneak peek of his evil side as he captures the fury of the enraged sister while sippin’ on some booze!
Seriously, we can’t decide whether we should be horrified or laughing our asses off, so we’ll just go with both! LOLz!!
