I’ve always known that Wendy and Casper were going to freak on each other sooner or later…
The Swedish police taking his weed stash didn’t get Justin Bieber down and before his concert in Stockholm today, he and a glasses-free Urkel leaned back and freak danced their way onto his tour bus. I see Justin trying to make Usher jealous by leaning into that dude’s crotch.
You can laugh all you want at those foolish onesies, but you know who’s not laughing? Justin’s au pair. That onesie makes it extra easy for her to change his diaper when he gets a violent case of the weedshits. And where is Justin’s au pair anyway? She needs to stick a pacifier in his mouth, because sucking his thumb is going to give him buck teeth and then he’s really going to look like a beaver.
Whoopi Goldberg went to a Vanity Fair party at the Tribeca Film Festival in NYC last night and UsWeekly asked her a few questions. Based on the way Whoopi was dressed, they should’ve asked her what it was like teaching a young Harry Potter. But instead they asked her who she thinks should replace Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselcrack on The View next season. Whoopi’s internal hard drive processed that question for a quick second before she opened up her empty hands to show UsWeekly how many fucks she gives.
“Let me tell you thisabout The View: I take a paycheck every other week. That’s all I do. I could give a shit what comes. I do my job — I have a contract. That’s where I stand. I don’t give a fuck.”
Just in case we didn’t get it the first time, the honey badger of daytime talk show hosts let us know that unless ABC pays her to care, she no care!
“I don’t care. That’s not my job. My job is to show up and be cute by 11 o’clock and get the fuck off that show by 12. And that’s what I try to do. I think it’s the only way to keep your sanity because these are not decisions that I get to make. It ain’t my show. It’s Barbara’s show.”
So all Whoopi does is show up on time, leave on time and be cute? Barbara Walters needs to bring up that last part in Whoopi’s next employee evaluation, because I’ve seen the shit she wears on TV and it definitely doesn’t fall into the cute category. But seriously, where can I get a job like Whoopi’s, because I really want to get paid to not give one shit. Oh…wait….
And here’s a knocked up Evan Rachel Wood, Sandra Bernhard and Sienna Miller at last night’s Vanity Fair party and I’m sure Whoopi doesn’t give a shit about any of them.
Anthony Ciccone is back and he’s once again crying to the media about how his younger sister Madonna would rather gargle her coochie out with dirty hydrangea water than spend one second with him. Anthony is pretty much estranged from the entire Ciccone family and he says that they’ve all turned their backs on him when he needed them most. Anthony has been living on the streets of Traverse City, Michigan for three years and he spends his day guzzling from a bottle of booze wrapped in a paper bag. Anthony did have a job at the Ciccone family vineyard, but he was fired for drinking the sweet nectar straight out of the vat and now he gets money by begging on the streets (and spilling the shitabout his sister to tabloids).
The Daily Mail caught up with Anthony Ciccone and they found out that his ass spent a month in jail after he was arrested for drunkenly yelling at kids in a church (that’s my future). Anthony couldn’t pay the fine, so they locked him up. Anthony tells the DM that even though his dad sometimes brings him leftovers, he thinks his father would be happy if he froze to death on the streets and he also said that his trillionaire sister can’t be bothered with him.
“Madonna doesn’t give a shit if I’m dead or alive. She lives in her own world. I never loved her in the first place, she never loved me. We never loved each other. My father would be very happy if I died of hypothermia and then he would not have to worry about it anymore. He’s old school, he grew up in the depression. He doesn’t want to be bothered, he’s lived his life you see. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t want me to be me, he wants me to be somebody else. He thinks the way I live is intentional. He simply doesn’t know me.”
Anthony blamed the state of his life on his family. Anthony says that they aren’t helping him and all he wants is a job. Apparently, Madge has paid for him to go to rehab several times. When the DM asked if he thinks he needs rehab, he farted out a Lohan-approved line:
“I’m a human being, you can call me what you want. [Alcoholic] is a label, I don’t like it. I don’t need brain surgery, I merely need love and care of family and friends.”
A worker at the Ciccone family vineyard told the DM that the family is afraid Anthony will really drink himself to death if they give him his job back. They’ll only take him back if he quits the bottle for good. And Anthony ended the interview by saying that he doesn’t think Madge owes him anything:
“Evidently various people have been pestering [Madonna] about matters of neglect regarding family and such. I think she’s probably a little bit pissed off with me for even troubling her. But I’ve never asked my sister for anything. She don’t owe me nothing. That’s her shit, man, she made her money, she worked for it, I’ve got no beef. If she wants to live that way, that’s her thing.”
And that ends our yearly visit with Anthony Ciccone. Till next year. You know, if Anthony Ciccone really wants to make some money, he should write a tell-all where he can spill all of Madge’s childhood secrets and talk about what a bitch-hearted bitch-faced bitch she is. That shameless whore Christopher Ciccone knows what I’m talking about.
The singer was recently spotted at The Grove after making an appearance on Extra, and was swarmed by paparazzi who asked him about the incident. Miguel offered a quick congrats to Frank despite saying he doesn’t like to lose, and when he was asked whether he would give him a standing ovation a second time around, he simply responded “No!”
Talk about a sore loser!
We hear the two actually get along quite nicely, and this probably won’t be the last time they go head-to-head for a Grammy, so hopefully he isn’t really holding a grudge this many weeks later.