….And sexingherself up in a barn with chandeliers (????) in it.
Mimi and a cockatoo with a wave perm named Miguel released the video for their song #Beautiful (yes, the hashtag is part of the damn title) tonight and it’s classic Mimi. Mimi swats away flies while dry fapping on a bike and then she strip dances for Miguel in a fancy barn. When Mimi strip dances, she looks like a drunken calf trying to walk for the first time. The entire video kind of looks like a commercial for Crystal Light’s new line of mixes with ecstasy in them. Oh, Mimi, never stop acting like the horny butterfly you are.
I guess Prince Hot Ginge doesn’t need to get drunk in Las Vegas to pull his wand out and play with it. Sometimes he does it in the middle of the day. As Duchess Kate laughed and thought to herself, “Watching Harry play with his wand is actually my job. I love life!,” Prince William smiled to keep himself from crying while he wondered why she’s not smiling at his wand. What’s wrong with his wand?!!!
Prince William, Duchess Kate (with a half-blood prince in her womb) and PHG went to the inauguration of Warner Bros. Studios in Leavesden, Hertfordshire today and they visited several Harry Potter sets, jumped on the Bat Bike from The Dark Knight Rises and got a wand lesson. The three of them looked like Ron, Hermione and Harry: The Later-ish Years.
And I take back that Prince William thing I wrote in the first paragraph. He’s not wondering why Kate isn’t happy to see his wand. He’s looking at his wand and wondering what the hair growing spell is. Is it Propecius Groweth? Or maybe it’s Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia?
Here’s more of PHG, DK and PW at Warner Bros. today. It’s nice to see Kate wearing something from the Big Business maternity collection.
It’s that time of year again! Time to pack a bowl of weed ice cream and fill that bong vase with water! It’s 420, y’all!
What better way to celebrate Mary Jane’s birthday with some of our favorite pot-smoking moviescenes?? Of course we have Seth Rogen in Knocked Up (above), and pretty much every other movie he’s in, but some of these other ones, might surprise you…
It is truly a sad, sad day for demure beauties who like to wear coochie cutters with UGGs and a bridal thong bikini to their wedding, because one of the vanguards of the modern-day whore look, PamelaAnderson, told Buzzfeed at the International Beauty Show in NYC on Monday that since she’s getting older, she’s decided to tone down her signature look a little bit. To which I say, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Canadian pearl says that for years, hos have been trying to get her to take off the fake eyelashes and put on more clothes. Pamela always told them to fuck off, because she knows what glamour is and glamour IS looking like a seasoned boardwalk hooker who doesn’t mind a little sand in her oyster. But now that Pamela is creeping toward 50, she says that she’s gettin’ a little too old for that whorey look, darlin’.
Buzzfeed: When in your life did you first feel beautiful?
Pamela: Well, it wasn’t today (laughs). I’m kidding. Oh, god, I don’t know if I ever really felt beautiful. I always feel like I don’t — I don’t, really.
Buzzfeed: You’re something of a beauty maximalist. So do people ever try to make you under?
Pamela: Actually a lot of people, especially when I was on Baywatch. They were insisting that I didn’t wear eyelashes, but I said, “I have my look, this is what I’m comfortable in.” Sometimes my eyelashes would roll up onto the beach and that’s all that would be left of me. But I was determined to be glamorous. Oh, I loved it, I LOVED it. I thought, “If you’re going to be on TV, and if you’re gonna be out and glamorous, the natural look can stay at home. If we’re gonna do this, let’s have fun with it!” I actually just did a shoot lately, and they took all the makeup off and put me in a ponytail, and I said, “Well, OK, we’ll try that.”
Buzzfeed: How did you feel about it?
Pamela: Well, everyone was happy about it and liked it, and so, well, we’ll see what it looks like. It was Mario Testino, so I can’t argue with him! And he loved it, so, we’ll see.
Buzzfeed: So people try to tone down your sex appeal because you’re known for being so hot?
Pamela: I don’t know if it’s because I’m so hot, but they definitely try to tone down my sex appeal. I think it’s time, though — you know, you grow up and you change your look. I feel different from how I did in my Playboy days. Now, I think I’m in charge of toning down my look or not. I feel like as I’m getting older, this is my version of toned down (gestures to hair and outfit). I like it.
To which I say again, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Okay, if Pamela Anderson wants to turn her back on a community of old whores who have looked up to her all these years by covering her body and doing her hair up like a Shih Tzu caught in a tornado, then that’s fine. But if she turns her back on all the white girl cholas by erasing her praying mantis leg eyebrows, I will never ever forgive her!
Moses and Apple Martin can say “I HATE YOU, GOOP!” in ten different languages and they can make a California Roll from scratch using the avocados in the garden of their Brentwood estate, but they still have nothing on BarronTrump. There’s an actual human being on Earth who can get his man servant to hold him high above so he can lookdown at Goopy Paltrow for being a poor peasant compared to him.
The most gorgeous Trump of all the Trumps, Melania Trump, told ABC News that her 7-year-old son loves wearing suits and he moisturizes with her caviar cream every single night. Barron Trump is just TOO fancy for us.
“He’s not a sweatpants child,” says Trump, 42, of her only child with her husband of eight years, Donald Trump, 66. “He doesn’t mind putting on [a suit]—but not every day— and he likes to dress up in a tie sometimes like Daddy.”
Trump tells ABC News that in addition to dressing her son nicely, she makes sure that he takes care of his skin, slathering him in her eponymous Caviar Complex C6 moisturizer after his nightly bath.
“It smells very, very fresh,” says the businesswoman, who launched the skincare line this week at Lord & Taylor. “I put it on him from head to toe. He likes it!”
So while Goopy and her kids are using caviar to make sushi, Barron Trump is smearing caviar all over her face like a true one percenter. Richie Rich, who?
And I’m just going to choose to believe that Donald Trump isn’t the father and Melania had a bareback love affair with her chef, because I refuse to believe that a piece of trash with a face like a pinched anus made Barron Trump.
Just like she is with everything else, Lindsay Lohan was late to April Fools’ Day and twatted out this pregnancy announcement earlier this morning. In her defense, LiLo uses the cokehead calendar, so she has no idea what day, week, month, year or decade it is. If you could give birth to a FAS-faced 8-ball from snorting mountains of coke and guzzling down gallons of vodka, then I’d believe her. But if she was really pregnant, we’d know it, because she’d immediately give birth to the Four Horsemen and heaven would swallow the earth whole, ending our misery. So the only thing she’s pregnant with is desperation.
And only Lindsay Lohan could make me feel sorry for a fake fetus.
