When you Google “Don Johnson naked” or “Don Johnson huge dick,” you get NSFW pictures of his rolled up pancake peen and articles about how his wang is so enormous that it can pin down Jon Hamm’s hammaconda in a wrestling match. Rolling Stone (via Page Six) decided to ask Don Johnson if it’s true that he can tickle a lady’s tonsils just by sticking the tip in her coochie and he shook his head no. Don says that the label on his dick says “regular” and not XXXXXL like the rumors claim, but he says he knows of a different Johnson with a wide-screen, hi-def dick.
“Look, I’ve seen guys with a lot bigger [penises] than me. One time, I was in the Celtics locker room talking to Larry Bird and Kevin McHale . . . and there’s Dennis Johnson coming out of the showers and, dude, that’s who put the Johnson in Johnson. I mean, it must have shown on my face, because when I turned back to Larry, he looked at me and said, ‘I know, huh?’ and I was like, ‘Dude, that’s a weapon.’ “
I know your fingers are itching to Google “Dennis Johnson huge dick,” but I already did and only got a screen full of Don Johnson’s face. Don Johnson ain’t shit for bringing this up 5 years after Dennis Johnson passed away, because it’s not like they can have a big dick-off to see whose peen game is bigger.
And speaking of cocks the size of Liechtenstein, since I post about Richard Simmons all the time, a reader wrote me once to say that he (Richard Simmons) has the biggest cock they’ve ever seen. That e-mail was the equivalent of the recess bell, because it let me know that I had way too much Internet and needed to go outside to play.
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
Long before Eric Johnson’s sole job was to wrap cooked corndog breading around his peen and let Jessica Simpson eat it off, he was a pro football player who was married to Keri Johnson. After Eric’s NFL career ended and his marriage to Keri started circling the drain, he instantly won the gold digger lottery when Jessica Simpson decided she wanted to eat his big sausage pizza all day, every day. When life hands a gold digger lemons, that gold digger needs to turns those lemons in MONAAAAAY. The gold digger needs to focus on his mark and shoo away any coochies that may keep him away from his goal. But that’s not what Eric Johnson’s skeezy dumb ass did.
A source tells Radar that when Eric was with Jessica, he was still laying his peen on his ex-wife’s vagine. Keri thought that their break would make their marriage stronger, but Eric was only interested in making his checking account stronger by humping on Jessica. The source thinks that he’ll step out on Jessica again:
“He’s a two-timing cheat! He was still having sex with Keri after he started seeing Jessica. She needs to think twice before marrying him. He’s already cheated on her once — he’ll most likely do it again.”
Bitch better not do it again. That would be a terrible gold digger fail. If you blindfolded Jessica and made her sniff a can of Chicken of the Sea and a can of StarKist, she wouldn’t smell the difference. That’s a good thing for Eric, because Jessica will never be able to smell the difference between her cooch juices and some random cooch juices, but still. If it wasn’t for Jessica, Eric probably would’ve had to drop out of Wharton, because he couldn’t afford it and he’d be working as a stock boy at a sporting goods store. Eric has it good and in the wise words of RuPaul, “Don’t fuck it up.“
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
Most people don’t go around celebrating filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, but when you’re Betsey Johnson it does!
Shortly after news broke on Thursday, the entire Betsey Johnson design team celebrated getting their pink slips with newly resigned CEO Jon Friedman at a company-wide meeting that quickly turned into a party.
The bankruptcy bash was held in the showroom where the now ex-employees feasted on cupcakes and champagne.
If you’re going to go out with a bang it might as well be on the few dimes Betsey has left, right?
[Image via Jeff Grossman/WENN.]
Betsey Johnson sent the fashion world into a tizzy on Thursday when news broke that her licensee filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
As a result of the filing, a majority of BJ’s 63 stores will shutter starting next month and more than 350 employees are expected to lose their jobs.
Betsey said on Thursday:
“I feel so sad for my store people and all my pink girls. They live and die for me. But I need to be better. I really need to work well and be more efficient.”
We wish we could say we didn’t see this coming, but after defaulting on a million loan and being bailed out by Steve Madden it’s not that shocking.
Despite the major changes, the cartwheeling designer will remain as the brand’s creative director, with her primary focus being on the moderately-priced Betsey Johnson line sold at Macy’s.
Betsey also plans to hold a runway show during fashion week in September to show off the affordable frocks under the new BJ “vision”.
Sounds like a good plan to us and we certainly hope it works!
Now only one question remains: will any of this be shown on her upcoming reality show!?!?
[Image via Chris Connor/WENN.]
The Betsey Johnson designed tree for the Plaza Hotel in New York City is everything that you could wish and hope for if you were a girl named Eloise, the children’s lit character, and living in the famed hotel. The tree is covered in pink tulle, feathered boas, Eloise-themed ornaments such as turtles, dogs, and teacups all topped by a stuffed version of Eloise, herself.
-JK [via Teen Vogue]