CreepyDoug Hutchison went to Disneyland yesterday and he didn’t go to shop for his next child bride. Doug was there with his porniguana bride Courtney Stodden to celebrate their 2nd wedding anniversary. As the children around them asked their moms, “Mommy, does Rosie O’Donnell have alopecia and why is she kissing on that plastic iguana in low-budget Angelyne drag?”, Doug and Courtney ate cotton candy and smeared each other’s lip on one another for the paps. How quickly Disneyland can go from the happiest place on earth to the scariest place on earth.
Actually, let me correct that a bit. Courtney made Disneyland both the scariest place on earth and the most elegance place on earth. Those cotton candy heels deserve some credit.
Jehovah’s sexiest witness gave coochies a reason to cream when he puckered up those glossy lips and worked every piece of fringe on the jacket your grandmother donated to the Salvation Army years ago. Lauryn Hill twins made those hos salivate from every orifice last night.
And I think the real reason Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate holidays is because they are too busy celebrating Prince’s beauty. That is a good reason!
The Billboard Music Awards are happening right now in Las Vegas and I don’t even know why they’re bothering with this shit, because every awards show’s premiere seat filler Phoebe Price is all the way in Cannes. How can that mess go on without the seat filling heart of every awards show Chicken Cutlets? Well, they found a way to go on and thank the foolery Gods for that, because if they didn’t, this Cuban Brazilian flower would’ve never sashayed onto the blue carpet.
When I look at pictures of Naya, I say the same thing my father says when I call his house, “And you are?” I had no idea who Naya is, but now I do thanks to her flashing her titty balls and delivering an A+++ eyebrow situation.
And I really don’t know why she brought a random dog with her. At first I thought that Naya was blind (that would explain her outfit) and that was her seeing eye dog. Then I figured that maybe that’s her therapy dog, which would make sense since you have to be sort of crazy to wear an outfit like that when your name isn’t Grace Jones. But whatever the case may be, Naya is definitely setting trends, because bringing a random dog to an event with you is officially the new thing to do.
And it’s obvious that Naya’s dog is as confused about him being there as we are.
Finally, an IT couple I can get behind. I mean that both figuratively and literally. Looking like a young in-love couple seeing NYC for the first time, JasonBateman and Will Arnettheld hands while strolling down the sidewalk of love in front of the paparazzi yesterday. I was going to ask which one’s the top and which one’s the bottom, but they don’t get into that. They just spoon and whisper lyrics to Michael Bolton love songs into each other’s ears. Will is the big spoon.
Puppy licks lollipop. Monkey steals lollipop from puppy. Monkey licks lollipop. Monkey lets puppy lick the lollipop. Monkey bops puppy on the head with lollipop. Monkey busts out of that scene before the cops arrive.
Well, it’s nice to know that while Lindsay Lohan is in lockdown rehab, somebody is out here doing her dirty work for her.
Puppy licks lollipop. Monkey steals lollipop from puppy. Monkey licks lollipop. Monkey lets puppy lick the lollipop. Monkey bops puppy on the head with lollipop. Monkey busts out of that scene before the cops arrive.
Well, it’s nice to know that while Lindsay Lohan is in lockdown rehab, somebody is out here doing her dirty work for her.
