We almost couldn’t believe that TeenWolf was coming back for a third season, but this 11 second blissfully spooky clip confirms that the show will in fact return June 3!
Could it get any better??!
It totally can.
Desperate Housewives‘ ultra-hot twins, Charlie Carver and Max Carver, are going from super troublemakers to supernatural as Alpha packers Ethan and Aidan.
Executive producer Jeff Davis explained:
“One is a little more animalistic and brutal, but the other can take a lot more pain. We have these interesting scenes where we see that Charlie, who plays Ethan, can take a beating — and enjoy it! There’s a little secret to them that I can’t tell you about. There’s a new kind of transformation for these werewolves.”
Mmmm mmmm mmm..
Good thing we like our men wild! LOLz!
Ch-ch-check out the thrilling first look (above)!!!
Vividreleased Teen Mom Farrah’s “private” backdoor sex tape today and if the full video is anything like the 5-minute-long clip, then watching saliva dry on a white paper plate is more fap worthy than watching Farrah’s concrete pyramid titties not move while JamesDeenhumps her from the back. Farrah’s soulless dead eyes say it all. I mean, that TV and speaker in the background have more sexual chemistry than Backdoor Ferret (typo and it stays) and James Deen have.
Farrah’s acting skills are about as lifeless her titty cones, which I swear were filled with quick drying cement instead of silicone, because I don’t think I saw them move once. When James Deen was hitting it from the front, I expected him to pull out orange halves to make orange juice on her rock hard cone tits. You could break blocks of ice on those tits.
Farrah says “cock” and “baby” in her annoying voice so many times that by the end of the clip, I wanted to poke out my ear drums with her pointy tits.
If you really want to see Farrah lazily blow James’ soft peen like she’s brushing her teeth at the end of a long day and squirt (WHY!!!?) after doing herself with a glass dildo in the back of a limo, then put on your NSFW head mask and (NSFW) click here to see the 5 minute clip and go to Drunken Stepfather to see the clip of Backdoor Ferret squirting.
And Farrah is still trying to make us think it was a private sex tape:
I don’t even have the strength to respond to that, because I’m still traumatized from hearing Backdoor Ferret say, “Was my ass tight, baby?”
With all that being, Backdoor Ferret got almost million for boning and the only thing I get after boning is directions to the front door.
Here’s JamesWoodsand his now ex-girlfriend Ashley Madison (the jokes, they write themselves sometimes) during happier times at the Emmys in 2011 when he was 64 and she was 24 and she was still bumping her crotch against his silvery crotch bush. But now, James Woods is trolling high school graduations for a new piece, because he’s single again.
The National Enquirer (via DM) says that James and Ashley’s 6-year-long relationship started the way all true love affairs start. Ashley is the daughter of one of James’ friends. They started doing it full-time when she was 19 and he was 59. Ashley thought James was going to give her a ring, but that didn’t happen and they broke up, because he spent all of his time with his 86-year-old mother who died last year. James told the Enquirer that Ashley’s expiration date was up, but they’ll always be friends blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…
“We’ve gone our separate ways but I will always love her. Ashley was young and I was old and everyone wanted to dump on her. She was put through a lot of unfair stuff because of our relationship, but through it all, Ashley showed tremendous character.”
Ashley told the Enquirer that she’s moved on to a younger piece and is now dating a 28-year-old restaurant owner.
The Enquirer also brought up a story I completely forgot about. Supposedly, James Woods’ family hated Ashley Madison, because she showed up to his brother Michael’s funeral in a miniskirt and while everyone was crying, she chain-smoked and showed off pictures of herself in various magazines. James denied that story, but I’m still choosing to believe it really happened, because I really want to believe that Ashley Madison is a real-life version of Sammy Jo from Dynasty.
So if you’re a girl who can’t yet buy booze legally and really want to date a dude who could be your pepaw, send James Woods your picture along with a copy of your birth certificates. No fats or olds plz. And by “olds” I mean anybody born before 1995.
Since murdering eardrums and showing off her new face on InTouch didn’t get Farrah Abraham of Teen Mom enough attention, she’s gone full shameless fame whore by pretending that the porn she made with porn star JamesDeenis a private sex tape that she doesn’t want to get out. Don’t you hate it when the planned fuck tape you made with a porn star in a studio while surrounded by two cameramen, three fluffers, a director and an entire crew GETS leaked onto the internet? That’s the worst.
Earlier today, TMZ said that a sex tape starring Farrah’s post-op Gargamel-looking ass was up for sale and Vivid was going to make an offer for it. They “caught” Farrah shopping for panties at Agent Provocateur in L.A. yesterday afternoon and they asked her about it. Farrah sort of denied it and then a few minutes later her last tattered brain cell tore in two when she tried to figure out what the word “elaborate” means. TMZ has the video of the silicone implant in Farrah’s head exploding when their cameradude used a 3rd grade word around her, but if you don’t feel like looking at her confused plastic face, here’s the transcript:
TMZ: So, Farrah, can you elaborate a little bit on what we spoke about earlier?
Farrah: A library?
TMZ: No, “elaborate.”
Farrah: E-lab-or-ate? Who are you and why are you asking me about a tape?
TMZ: Have you heard about this, though? That you have a sex tape that’s out, that’s being shopped around right now?
Farrah: I don’t know. You know what? There should be no tape and if they’re shopping it around, my lawyer’s going to talk about that.
TMZ: Can you confirm its existence?
Farrah: I don’t exist anything about that. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Personally that is going to make me upset, so I don’t know why you would ask me about it.
TMZ: We have sources that say that they’ve seen the tape and it’s an hour long.
Farrah: Who’s your source? You know what? I think it’s made up. People make shit up all the time.
TMZ: This could be advantageous to your career. A lot of young starlets get their start from these things.
Farrah: I’m not even worried about that. I work hard on my own professionally and I don’t need sex tapes or any of that bullshit.
This bitch had to sound out the word “elaborate.” In this dumb ho’s defense, she was walking and talking at the same time and we all know that’s really, really hard to do.
After Farrah bruised up the inside of her head while trying to form complete sentences, TMZ heard that James Deen was her sex tape co-star and so they asked him about it. James Deen admitted that he slapped his peen against Farrah’s chocha in a sex tape. But James said that it was strictly professional and they got tested on Friday and shot the tape on Saturday.
You know, maybe Farrah’s denials are authentic and genuine, because she is so damn stupid that she probably doesn’t remember what she did 10 minutes ago let alone a day ago. If Farrah is as good at boning as she is at putting together a thought, then Kim Kartrashian will lose her title as the deadest lay in a sex tape.
Here’s Farrah’s silicone chichis melting like two Junior Mints left out in the sun while posing in some photo shoot yesterday.
Pimp Mama Kris doesn’t know what to do first: slow clap or take notes.
One of Jenelle’s friends told Radar this morning that she did lose her baby and so her mother Barbara doesn’t have to move to a different city and change her name, because it turns out she won’t have to take care of another kid. A lot of commenters at Radar think that Jenelle was never pregnant and she and her husband Courtland Rogers came up with this scam to get a quick check from Radar. So either Jenelle live-tweeted a fake miscarriage or she live-tweeted a real miscarriage. Whatever the case may be, I’m still going to try to jack a space pod from the Scientology garage, because it’s the only way I’ll get off this planet. I’ll meet you there. Don’t give Jenelle our forwarding address.