98 Degrees were on Watch What Happens Live last night to promote their new album and Andy Cohen brought up The Simpsons (the crazy family of crazies, not the cartoons) during a game of Plead The Fifth. The sneaky Siamese Cat in a tie asked the buff bull frog what’s the best thing about not having Papa Joe as a father-in-law anymore. Nick Lachey twisted around on that question a bit before Drew Lachey shouted out, “EVERYTHING!” Then the memory bubble above Nick Lachey’s head filled with images of Simpson hands on his ass when he said this:
“The best thing about not having Joe Simpson as a father-in-law anymore is that I don’t have to play grab-ass under the table on Easter Sunday anymore.”
Okay, I’m interpreting that two ways:
1. Papa Joe was such a devout Christian pastor (HAHAHAHAHAHAH) that he wouldn’t allow any public displays of affection in front of his good Christian eyes, so Nick and Jessica had to grab at each other’s parts on the down low.
2. Papa Joe squeezed the ripest parts of Nick’s ass while blessing the food.
I thought it was #1, but then when I watched the clip below and I figured it was #2. If that’s the case, why in the hell did he stay in that family for so long? If I’m sitting there eating my delicious glazed ham and I feel the hand of a creepy holy man touching my hams while throwing me a wink, that’s my cue to drop my fork, ask for a to-go plate and get the hell out of there. Or I’d take my plate and eat out on the curb, across the street while wearing butt armor.
I’m still confused, so I’m just going to say that Jessica squeezed one of Nick’s ass cheeks while Papa Joe squeezed the other….and now I’m disturbed.
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
The legendary Chinatown Muni Fight of 2009 (that drop kick is still my everything) and the L.A. Subway Macing of 2009 already taught many of us that when you cram strangers into a moving vehicle, there’s going to be fights. And here’s another prime example of that.
Guysim (via Gawker) brings the internet this horrifying video of a Connecticut’s Mother of the Year filling a Connecticut bus with curse words as she yells at another chick in the front of the bus for disrespecting her and her baby. They yell at it each for a while and the Mother of the Year keeps asking someone to hold her baby so she can handle a bitch. Shit goes from serious to really serious when the crazy bitch tosses her baby to a lady and runs to the front of the bus to punch a bitch.
Yeah, so she’s mad at the trick in the front for disrespecting her baby and then she disrespects her own baby by throwing the kid to somebody else. And who ever filmed this is disrespecting all of us by filming it in portrait mode. There’s a whole lot of disrespecting going on here.
And I don’t know how I feel about “Hold my baby!” being the new “Hold my purse!” Hopefully after the camera shut off, the woman holding the baby, got off the baby and walked to the nearest CPS office.
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
Such a shame that what should be a happy occasion is being marred by this!
As we’ve reported, Beyoncé and Jay-Z are celebrating the fifth anniversary of their marriage with what looks to be a lovely, relaxing vacation to Cuba, but the location they chose is NOT sitting well with certain Cuban-American groups in Washington, D.C., due to the country’s people still fighting for freedom and facing torture!
In fact, US citizens are technically banned from traveling to the island for tourism purposes, and must obtain a travel license from the government!
According to Mauricio Claver-Carone, who is a D.C. director for the lobbyist group US-Cuba Democracy PAC:
“There are women getting beaten on a daily basis, women who are being jailed for no reason…people are fighting for their freedom. It’s extremely insensitive.”
While those are obviously serious human rights issues that deserve to be addressed and resolved as quickly and with as less violence as possible, we doubt the superstars meant any ill-will or malice by choosing the destination of their trip!
What do U guys think? Were Bey and Jay out of line for choosing Cuba as the locale for their love?
[Image via AP Images.]
Well, one thing is for certain:
We doubt Britney Spears will have to worry about money a day in her life…EVER!
And she has her conservators, Andrew M. Wallet and Daddy Dearest Jamie Spears, to thank for that!
The pair reportedly filed a ex parte petition with the judge overseeing the legal arrangement this past Friday, in hopes to modify how her investments are currently being managed so the pop icon can amass even MORE wealth than her career has so far accumulated!
According to legal documents, her money is held in separate Conservatorship and SJB Trust accounts through Morgan Stanley Smith Barney and Merrill Lynch, but due to the “changing market conditions,” are hoping that the court approves 50-90% of the value going into fixed income, five-35% to go into equities, and 0-20% into alternatives like hedge and real estate funds!
We wonder if any of these “adjustments” are being made to accommodate a possible, yet-still-unconfirmed multi-million dollar Las Vegas residency deal?!
It certainly would fit into the time-frame, given her recent trip to Sin City!
Either way, get those dollah dollah bills, gurl! You certainly deserve it!
[Image via WENN.]
We guess Lindsay Lohan is SERIOUSLY looking forward to all of the attention she’ll most likely receive for going to trial!
Seriously, that’s the ONLY plausible explanation we can come up with for why, even though the prosecutors in her upcoming court case are essentially bending over backwards to accomodate a plea bargain, the troubled, legally-challenged starlet is REFUSING to accept any sort of punishment for both violating the terms of her probation and lying to authorities!
Lindsay’s already turned down demands from the Santa Monic City Attorney and the L.A. City Attorney that she agree to either mandatory rehab or jail time in lieu of going to her March 18th trial, and somehow, her lawyer Mark Heller, has apparently managed to convince them to lessen the deal so that she will only have to serve 90 days under house arrest!
Before you start screaming about all the injustices of living in a world world that would allow her to slither out of trouble AGAIN, however, hold off!
Because even with THESE terms, Lindsay is just NOT budging, and insiders close to her confirm that there’s around a 75% chance that until she receives no punishment whatsoever, she will NOT agree to any type of plea bargain!
But hey! So be it, then!
The more she fights back, the closer she’ll get to an actual conviction!
And maybe THEN will she be able to truly grasp what it means for there to be real-life consequences for one’s actions…a lesson she should have stopped and learned a LONG time ago!
What do U think? Is Lindsay setting herself up for jail??
[Image via WENN.]
You’ve seen them everywhere, but not like this!
The “Keep Calm and Carry On” parody T-shirts are all over the place, but this time they went too far!
Amazon is being lambasted by women’s groups for carrying T-shirts with the slogans “Keep Calm and Rape a Lot” and “Keep Calm and Rape Them”.
Ugh! Why would anyone create such a disgusting slogan, even as a joke??
Michael Fowler, the founder of T-shirt company Solid Gold Bomb, explains that this wasn’t something anyone came up with and decided to print. How?
Apparently all of the “Keep Calm and…” shirts were generated randomly by computer! The program just grabbed verbs of four or five letters that would fit the design, and rape was an unfortunate occurrence that no one noticed! He says:
“These items sat online and on non-indexed servers for the last year and myself and our company had no idea of the issue…
Had these items ever sold, we would have immediately pulled the series and are doing so on our own and Amazon channels worldwide…
Again, this was never my intention and I am extremely sorry for the trouble this carelessness has caused.”
Well, we’re certainly glad no one actually intended to make shirts that condoned rape. But honestly, how could someone be careless enough not to notice?
[Image courtesy of Solid Gold Bomb.]