While Brooke Mueller dries out (or snorts lines of Sanka) with Lindsay Lohan in Betty Ford, her lawyers are trying to get a judge to pull her twin boys out of Denise Richards’ arms, because she wants her brother to take care of them instead. Almost two weeks ago, social services found some suspect shit at Brooke Mueller’s house and the Sheen twins were taken away and given to Denise Richards temporarily. Denise expected to take care of the boys until Brooke cleaned herself up. But TMZ says that Brooke wants her brother to have custody of her 4 year olds and her decision has everything to do with MONAY!
According to TMZ, Charlie Sheen is onto Broke Mule’s schemes and thinks she only wants her brother to have custody of the twins, because she doesn’t want to let go of the k she gets in child support a month. Charlie’s lawyers are in court today to EXPOSE Brooke’s scheme. Brooke’s lawyers will argue that Denise is the gold digging twat who is using her twins to get that monthly check.
TMZ’s source says that Charlie has offered to give Denise money to take care of his twins, but she turned him down and doesn’t want one penny from him. Denise also has text messages from Brooke where Brooke admits that she needs those child support checks.
Denise has taken care of the Sheen twins for a long period of time before, so let’s see…. The boys can either stay in a home they know or they can be ripped out of yet another house and put into a different one. Brooke Mueller is so damn dumb. There’s clearly an easy way for her to get everything she wants: a ,000 check every month and zero parental responsibility. All she has to do is let Denise Richards keep custody of her boys and tell Denise that if she doesn’t hand over ,000 every month, she’ll text her this picture every morning:
Nobody wants to live under that kind of fear. Denise’s only response would be, “What’s your account and routing number?”
And here’s pictures from earlier this year of Brooke looking like a mash-up of Axl Rose and Russell Brand.
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
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want Goopy Paltrow doesn’t need to stroke the shaft of her own ego when the voices in her head can do it for her. Goopy already told the world that her friend told her that she has the ass of a 22-year-old stripper and now she’s telling the world that journalists told her that Pepper Potts needs her own movie. The journalists really said, “Ugh, you ruined the movie!,” but Goopy heard, “Oh, you need your own movie!”
At a press conference for Iron Man 3, Babble (via UsWeekly) reports that Goopy told reporters that she’s happy she got to finally wear an Iron Man suit and do stunts. Goopy says that some journalists really loved seeing her in the suit and told her that Pepper Potts should get her own movie.
I loved it so much. You know, I was getting kind of like, come on, guys. Pepper, like, let’s- come on, like, all these boys are flying around doing all this fun stuff, and I loved how patient and kind and sweet Pepper is. But when I read this script, I was like, “oh yeah!” She’s in the suit and flying around, and I loved doing the stunts. As I said, I really had never done anything like that before and it was really fun. I felt like I should’ve been doing this my whole life. It’s like, “why am I doing all these period films. it’s so boring.”
The nice thing is that everybody’s sort of been very sweet about Pepper in this movie, like all the journalists who came in. They were like, “oh my God, you have to have your own movie,” because in the comics, Pepper gets her own suit, and she becomes a character called Rescue. They’re like, we need a Rescue movie, and I’m like, okay, well, I’d better hit the gym.
If only the gym could hit her instead. I mean, when is she not in the gym? I bet that during that entire press conference, she was doing butt crunches with the help of a tiny Buttmaster shoved between her ass cheeks. How do you think she got that 22-year-old stripper ass?
You know, a Pepper Potts movie isn’t a bad idea. I’m all for a Pepper Potts movie, but only if they drop her in a ditch full of raw red meat, canned cheese and processed carbs and make her eat her way out of it while her enemies shout “PASS-TA!” at her over and over again.
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want During an episode of The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet, Chelsea Handler said that the only kind of little people that she wants to suck on her chichis are the ones who are fully grown adults named Chuy Bravo. Jennifer Aniston’s partner in boozery says that she is a wonderful mother to a bottle of Grey Goose, but she’d be a crap mother to a human baby who needs actual attention.
“I definitely don’t want to have kids. I don’t think I’d be a great mother. I don’t want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don’t have the time to raise a child.
Childhood was heartbreaking enough for anybody. I don’t know that I could handle my own child, especially if I had a girl, going through what I went through growing up. Not that it was so traumatic, but in many ways, it was in your own way.”
Chelsea would probably be the kind of mother who gives her kid whiskey when it screams too much, does lines off of its bald head when she’s breast feeding and when it cries out for her and she doesn’t want to deal with it, she’d give it a piece of salmon jerky in a blonde wig to cuddle with (it won’t know the difference). I don’t see the problem! That’s basically what White Oprah did with all of her kids and look how wonderful that turned out.
via Radar
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want After downloading and cropping that pic, I got second hand coke high, so I took a warm shower, drank two cups of Benzos tea, came back and I’m still grinding my teeth and suffering from the coke sweats. That is your face on coke. That explains why Jennifer Aniston isn’t making Justin Theroux sign his name on a money-saving clause (aka a prenup).
Some source tells OK! Magazine (via Hollywood Life) that Justin offered to sign a prenup since she’s worth over 0 million and all of his fortune is in his collection of black skinny jeans. Justin’s reverse gold digger psychology worked, because Jennifer turned his offer down. The source says:
“Jen’s absolutely adamant about not having a prenup. She told several friends: ‘I’m choosing love, not money. And people are just going to have to deal with it.’ It’s a sweet and romantic thing to do. But a number of friends are desperately worried her decision could come back to haunt her one day.
Everything is going so well between Jen and Justin right now, she doesn’t want to taint the romance.
Why are her friends worried? Aniston has finally found a dude who loves to exfoliate his face with coke as much as she does (see picture above), tucks her Beanie Babies into bed each night for and they can share skinny jeans. That saves them money. They’re going to be together forever (which in Hollywood time is 3 years at most). Let’s say Justin does get half of her money when they eventually break up, she still has at least million! That’ll still buy her a lot of coke to exfoliate her face with.
And now I need to take another warm shower and drink two more cups of Benzos tea.
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
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want When Buzzfeed posted the best (read: the most jacked up) pictures of the self-proclaimed Queen of the United States, Beyonce, at the Super Bowl, her publicist kindly told them to please remove the worst ones or Blue Ivy Carter would ask her biological father, God, to strike them down with the fury of a thousand lightning rods. They posted her publicist’s email instead and the whole thing turned into a meme that killed me, buried me and then brought me back to life. Because Beyonce has the humor of wig dandruff and doesn’t have the ability to laugh at her perfect self, she’s making sure that there will never be the second coming of the Ugly Beyonce meme.
Fstoppers (via Jezebel) says that Beyonce has banned all professional photographers from her Mrs. Carter Show world tour. The tour has its own photographer and after every show, Beyonce’s publicist will send 3-5 pre-approved pictures to the media. But the plan is backfiring and magazines and photo agencies are buying low-res, janky pictures from the fans at the show. Fstoppers puts it like this:
Beyoncé’s publicist, the same one who emailed and asked websites to remove images she didn’t like few months back, decided that this time they wouldn’t allow photographers to shoot her shows. Instead, they would provide 3-5 pre-approved images their own photographer shot for the media to use after each show. They wanted to control what images the media had access to. But we all know how media works – they will do anything possible to get images that other publications don’t have. If they can’t send a photographer to give them original photos, the next best thing they can do is buy photos from fans in the front rows in the arena (cameras were not allowed, but no one can take away phones). It’s the next best thing for them, and a huge nightmare for Beyoncé and her publicist.
Either Beyonce’s publicist want to the flood the internet of pictures of her looking like a confused He-Man or they just don’t know what they’re doing. Because whenever you tell a ho not to do something, they’re going to do it hard. It’s like when one my friends posts a picture on Facebook of me looking like I have fifteen chins, Andy Cohen wonk eyes and flared nostrils (aka my end of the night drunk face), and I ask them to take it down, they do the opposite. They post that shit all over my wall, print out a thousand copies of it and paste it on street lights all over my neighborhood. That’s what’s going to happen to Beyonce and I can’t wait, because I love pictures of her looking like a bodybuilding bull dog trying to lay an egg through its butt while smelling some dirty dick. Bring on the fug Beyonce pictures!
And here’s Beyonce at her show in Amsterdam last night. The people taking pictures of her in the front row haven’t been heard from since last night. If you put your ear up to the sky in the dead of night, you can almost hear their cries coming from the basement.
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want I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a damn curse that I can’t post the eyelash-singeing pictures from Tan Mom’s topless photo shoot on a beach in New Jersey yesterday. TMZ has 100 stunning portraits of New Jersey’s official state flower Tan Mom looking like a delicate and fresh Siren beckoning sailors to her bloated, tattooed loins. You won’t know whether to stare deep into her exquisitely drawn upper chocha tattoo or immediately send those pictures to Sports Illustrated and beg them to put her on the cover of their next Swimsuit Edition. The tag sticking out of her bikini is really what makes the entire photo shoot.
When you open up the pictures and click on the “next” button really fast, Tan Mom will give you the most terrifying flip book show ever. And in almost every picture, she’s saying “just doing this for extra booze money” with her eyes.
Dlisted – Be Very Afraid
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Case,
clothes,
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